CHAPTER 8
Breakdown
Flora paced, her restless energy filling the tiny room. The floorboards groaned with her hurried steps, but she didn’t pay them much mind. Her brain swirled with the echoes of last night–Adrian’s expression, the way he had looked at her, the way he had
walked away. The way her chest had caved in as he disappeared.
Lena sat with her legs tucked under her on the bed and watched her, a mixture of concern and mirth on her face. “You’re going to make yourself sick if you keep pacing around like that.”
Flora whipped around, frowning. “I’m fine.”
Lena snorted loudly. “Of course you an
over inside her head for hours.
Flora
are, definitely not like someone who’s been reliving the same bloody conversation over and
gave her a withering look, but there was no use lying. She hadn’t slept one wink. Each time she shut her eyes, Adrian was waiting for her, lurking in her mind.
Lena let out a sigh and leaned back into the headboard. “You know, you could just scream. Or hit something. That might make you feel better.”
“I don’t need to hit anything.”
“Okay, well, what do you need then?
Flora opened her mouth. Nothing came out. Because she didn’t know. Was she supposed to forget? To turn the clock back? To wake up and find it had all been some cruel, twisted joke?
Lena patted the space beside her. “C’mon. Sit.”
After a moment’s hesitation, Flora sank down onto the bed beside her.
“You loved him.” Lena’s voice was soft–but it wasn’t a question.
Flora swallowed hard. “Yeah I did.”
Lena studied her closely before asking, “And he loved you?”
Flora wanted to say yes. She wanted to believe that Adrian had loved her enough to fight for them. But the words wouldn’t come. If he had truly loved her, he wouldn’t have-
She shook her head. “Not enough.”
Lena nodded knowingly. “That’s the worst, huh? When it’s not some grand betrayal or dramatic reason…. just not e
A lump had formed in Flora’s throat. “Yeah.”
enough.”
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The silence between them stretched out until it became thick and choking
Then, finally, Lena rose to her feet. “You wanna eat? Or do we wallow a little longer before I force–feed you?”
A tiny giggle escaped Flora before she could help it. “Force–feed me?
“Yeah. I’m thinking pancakes. Extra syrup to drown your sorrows in sugar.”
Flora shook her head. “I’m not hungry.”
“Okay, so wallowing it is,” Lena said cheerfully, flopping back onto the bed.
Flora rolled her eyes but lay down beside her, staring at the ceiling.
“You ever think about how fast everything changes?” she whispered. “Like, one second, you think you have it all under control, and then-“she snapped her fingers. “Gone. Just like that.”
Lena hummed. “Life’s a bitch like that.”
Flora laughed, but it was shallow. “I just… I thought we were forever, you know?” Her voice cracked, and she hated it. Hated how weak she sounded.
Lena didn’t immediately say anything, then whispered her voice, “Maybe you were. Just not in the way you thought.”
Flora faced her.
“What do
does that even mean?”
Lena shrugged. “Probably, he was meant to come into your life. Just not the part that you wanted him to be with.”
Flora said nothing, not wanting to dwell on that possibility, with Adrian never supposed to be with her forever.
She shut her eyes. “It still hurts.”
“Yeah,” Lena whispered. “It will for a while.”
The corners of her eyes began pricking with the beginnings of more tears. Flora tried hard to hold back, but then Lena wrapped arms around her and pulled her in close.
“It’s okay, Flora,” she whispered. “Just let it out.”
And she did. She cried for what felt like hours, releasing all the pain and heartbreak. Lena held her the entire time, never saying a word, just silent comfort.
Later, exhaustion won.
won, and Flora fell into sleep.
The room was bathed in the golden hue of the sun when she aw
awoke.
Lena sat beside her, still there. A soft smile curled her lips as she saw Flora stir.
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“Hey,” she said. “How are you feeling?”
Flora rubbed her eyes, trying to shake off the fog of sleep. “I think… okay. Thanks for being here, Lena.”
Lena nodded. “Anytime, Flora. That’s what friends are for.”
There was a comfort in the silence as they watched the sun dive below the horizon.
Then Lena spoke again. “Flora? Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive Adrian?”
Flora hedged. Forgiveness was a difficult beast. Could she ever really forgive Adrian for what he did?
“I don’t know,” she said. “I’m not sure that I can.”
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Lena nodded; she had expected that answer. “I understand. Just remember, forgiveness isn’t for him. It’s for you. If you can find a way to forgive him, it might help you heal faster.”
Flora thought on that for a moment. Maybe Lena was right. Maybe that really was all it took to move on: forgiveness.
But right now, she just couldn’t do it. Not yet..
Lena stood up, stretching. “I should go. But I’ll be back tomorrow, okay?”
Flora managed a tiny smile. “Thanks, Lena. I appreciate it.”
Lena smiled back and pulled her into a tight hug. “Anytime, Flora. Just remember, you’re not alone, okay?”
She disappeared, leaving Flora with her thoughts in the dead quiet of that house.
There, lying in that darkness, Flora felt doubt creep over what lay in store for her beyond life. Will she ever manage to forgive Adrian? Would it ever let go? Only time could tell.
Days blended into one big blur of sadness and anger. Flora went through the motions, but everything seemed empty. She felt lost, as if part of her had been torn from her.
But weeks slowly turned into months, and something inside her began to change. A little spark of hope was lit within her. She didn’t necessarily have to let what Adrian did to her define her; she could rise above it.
She started making changes.
She signed up with a local studio for art classes, something she had always wanted to do but never made time for. She started volunteering at an animal shelter and found comfort in the care of creatures that needed love. She rediscovered old friends- people with whom she had unintentionally lost touch during her relationship.
It wasn’t easy. Some days, the pain still felt unbearal
unbearable, but she knew she had to move on.
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One afternoon, when she stepped out from her art studio, she suddenly felt what she hadn’t in ages: pride. She had created something beautiful, something that made her happy.
She looked up at the sky and filled her lungs with a full breath. The sun felt warm against her face, and she smiled for the first time in weeks.
She was going to be fine.
More than fine.
She was going to be happy.
