13
This diary was discovered by my mom. She took photos and posted them in the family group chat, frantically tagging my aunt and uncle, saying they didn’t control their son well.
My sister cursed me in the group, calling me shameless for seducing her brother.
The final result of this incident was that my aunt and step–uncle decided to send my cousin abroad. He didn’t come back for many years.
Emma unilaterally broke off our relationship.
The aftermath was that I never had a normal relationship again. Emma said this was her punishment for my crush on her brother.
From seventeen to twenty–nine, for twelve whole years, I lived under her shadow, just because I was infatuated with her non–blood–related
brother.
It sounds both crazy and laughable.
I even frantically apologized to her and tried to find my cousin to correct this ridiculous mistake, but without success.
I could choose not to date, but Emma seemed unable to bear seeing me compliment any man. Any little thing would trigger her terrible competitive spirit, making my life miserable.
I saw a therapist for five years because of this, but didn’t see much improvement.
Later, the doctor suggested using environmental dissociation, which simply means changing your living environment to escape the current
situation.
I did it, but I was tricked back by my mom time and time again. The gratitude I felt for her raising me alone since childhood became a string constantly pulling me back, making me compromise in pain again and again.
Recently, I had started self–harming. The therapist said he wanted to talk to me, but my mom refused.
Her exact words were, “Then let her die. I raised her through such hardship and didn’t die, yet she wants to die over a relationship.”
I gave up seeking help from my mom.
M
G
000
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I thought if I wanted to survive, I had to save myself.
